From yoko ono's flickr:
PART 3 THE LOST WEEKEND

In 1972 ,the night McGovern lost the election, John and I were invited
to a party at Jerry Rubin's apartment in the Village. It was a gathering
of New York liberal intellectuals, some artists, musicians and many
journalists. John became totally drunk and pulled a woman into the next
room and started to make love. Nobody could leave the party because all
the coats were in that room. We were all sitting there trying to ignore
what was happening. The wall was paper thin and you could hear the
noise, which was incredibly loud. A considerate musician put a Dylan
record on to offset the sound. But that did not drown out the sound
coming from "the room." In the middle of all this, a New York celeb
woman chose to make conversation with me. "I don't know how you feel
about him... but we love him. He and his friends... what they did...
but especially John... we all respect him tremendously. He's a great
man... he is a wonderful man..." It was something like that she kept
repeating to me, with an angry look as if to blame me for not rejoicing
for what was happening in that room. Then there was a long silence.
Some woman quietly went into the room to retrieve her coat. Others
followed. When John finally came out of the room, he said, later, that
he had never seen me looking so pale. "I could never forget that face,"
he used to say for a long while.

Something was lost that night for me. Living with John was a very trying
situation. But I thought I would endure all that for our love. I used to
think that our love was a secret thing between us, so it didn't matter
what people said... let them. Our love was higher than the highest sky,
and deeper than the deepest water. But was it? Now it seemed that there
were some clouds I hand 't noticed and the water looked murky after the
splash. Jerry thought it was terrible that I couldn't "forgive" John.
McGovern lost. All of us were totally devastated. You can imagine how
John felt about it. It was a real blow to us. So he was drunk, for
heaven's sake!" "It's not a matter of forgiving him or not forgiving him.
I would not use that word. It's more like I can't 'forget' what happened.
Call me a prude, but it just hit me in the wrong way." Inside, I felt
like a shattered raggedy doll.


Man, that hit a little close to home. I have been feeling sort of "down" for a few days...probably a combination of the weather, impending hormonal storms, rough times at work, my girlfriend going away for a week, feeling a cold coming on. But when I read that a couple days ago it stopped me in my tracks and I don't think I've really recovered.
Anyhoo....today rebby unloaded a truckful of dirt into our raised beds. She also scooped a bunch of sweet, delicious compost out of our compost machine to mix in. We were so very excited by the miracle of compost! Intellectually I knew what was supposed to be happening but seeing the thick black lovely stuff coming out from where we throw our lettuce stems and coffee grounds was like a little blessing.
I wasn't much help because I am feeling extremely weak and feeble from this illness. I'm slamming the kombucha and ginger tea because I gotta brunch tomorrow and I don't have time for this shit. So. Hopefully I can raise a little energy to plant some seeds either later today or tomorrow. Wish me luck.
In other news, I had my first Korean BBQ experience last night, at Sushi Kim. It was a nice time and everything was delicious but I think I ended up eating just as much rice, kimchee and lettuce as meat. It just seemed like too much to me. While there is absolutely no danger of me reverting back to vegetarianism, I am definitely moving towards the whole using meat for flavor instead of main philosophy. That being said, I read an amazing article in Mother Earth News this month about grass fed meat and how reverting back to a pasture based farming system could literally save the planet. The older I get, the more I trust my gut about stuff, and my gut tells me that farms with a mix of vegetables and animals are the best kind of farms to have.
Also, I think I'm gonna have chickens by the end of the year. Every month Mother Earth News tells me how easy it is and I am getting more and more convinced.