Good morning!
It's a beautiful sunny freakin COLD morning....I love it! This is what winter is all about for me. I'm enojying some hot milschkaffe and some pumpernickel with cream cheese and lingonberry jam. And some Blixa. The only thing that could make it better is if my toes weren't freezing. It's times like these when those radiant floor ads in This Old House really speak to me. There are many, many, many home improvements on the list before something like that, though.
So today is going to be a serious TCB day. I am going to mail my sister's Christmas presents, for example. I was all set to do it on Saturday and then I realized that I was out of packing tape. It's always something. Today though, I've got all the parts and a box that fits and goshdarnit, I'm DOING IT! If it warms up a little I might also visit the office supply store for some printer paper and file folders. I am really so close to getting my office in a fully functional state...but I just never take those few hours to finish up. Perhaps today. I also need to figure out my menu for March 8th, take care of some catering things, and the ole laundry/dishes. But I am happy to report that there really are only a few pots to wash, and maybe two loads of laundry. Lots to put away, though. I feel good about my chances of accomplishing what I set out to do today.
Mentally, I'm rather fraught. I may have mentioned casually that some friends from Boston are putting out a real vinyl record album by my old band, Dead at 24. The record part is done...it sounds incredible. They remastered the cassette tape that we recorded back in the day and added some live tracks and studio outtakes cobbled together from various cassette tapes that we all had been stashing over the years. The artwork is being worked out now, and I sent a huge packet of pictures and clippings and press stuff in for a lyric zine to be included in the package. I think it's going to be great, and I'm really looking forward to it.
Of course, this means that we are "reuniting" for some record release shows. We'll be traveling up to Boston on easter weekend, and we'll play here in Pittsburgh the weekend after. We're going to try to do some shows in NYC and Erie and Philly too.
It's all coming together, and there is even a very very very slim chance that I can convince my favorite ever Pittsburgh band to reunite for the show too. Back in the day we had a pact that if one of our bands reunited the other would too. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm not ruling it out either. I sent them all an email last night employing the slightest of feminine whiles. Heh.
Hopefully we will be getting together this weekend for a practice. I am nervous as hell about this, and this is where I have to face the fact that nostalgia is a dangerous game. My history with these people is so convoluted. I have become a COMPLETELY different person in the past 10 or so years....a person I like a whole lot better. I have had new, better, separate relationships with all the involved parties over the years...relationships which are a good deal healthier and less fraught with anxiety and bitterness. The whole raison d'etre of Dead at 24 was this complicated stew of desire, jealousy, rage, denial, blindness, codependency....it makes me a little dizzy just thinking about it. Reading Slash's autobiography isn't really helping, either. It just brings into sharper focus the fact that I am intentionally putting myself into a situation where I have to revisit a whole lot of stuff that I have only recently really gotten over. It may very well make for some great music (it probably will) but it will also probably bring up a whole unhealthy set of behaviors and patterns of interaction that I would just as soon leave in the past. Already, in email exchanges between the members of the band, the old patterns are surfacing and having the same old effect on me. Argh.
So, I'm hoping that I can do part of what I used to do (bang it all out with unfettered abandon) and avoid other parts (smoking 2 packs a day and drinking half a bottle of gin a night and snorting pharmaceutical cocktails) in my effort to cope. I don't think there is much chance that we can just avoid it all and act like the adults we've become. That's probably asking too much.
So, wish me luck. I'm equal parts apprehensive and excited. Hopeful that I can just lay it on the line and let them know what I will and will not put up with. I am definitely a lot more self confident than I was back then, and less likely to take bullshit. SO there's that.
It's a beautiful sunny freakin COLD morning....I love it! This is what winter is all about for me. I'm enojying some hot milschkaffe and some pumpernickel with cream cheese and lingonberry jam. And some Blixa. The only thing that could make it better is if my toes weren't freezing. It's times like these when those radiant floor ads in This Old House really speak to me. There are many, many, many home improvements on the list before something like that, though.
So today is going to be a serious TCB day. I am going to mail my sister's Christmas presents, for example. I was all set to do it on Saturday and then I realized that I was out of packing tape. It's always something. Today though, I've got all the parts and a box that fits and goshdarnit, I'm DOING IT! If it warms up a little I might also visit the office supply store for some printer paper and file folders. I am really so close to getting my office in a fully functional state...but I just never take those few hours to finish up. Perhaps today. I also need to figure out my menu for March 8th, take care of some catering things, and the ole laundry/dishes. But I am happy to report that there really are only a few pots to wash, and maybe two loads of laundry. Lots to put away, though. I feel good about my chances of accomplishing what I set out to do today.
Mentally, I'm rather fraught. I may have mentioned casually that some friends from Boston are putting out a real vinyl record album by my old band, Dead at 24. The record part is done...it sounds incredible. They remastered the cassette tape that we recorded back in the day and added some live tracks and studio outtakes cobbled together from various cassette tapes that we all had been stashing over the years. The artwork is being worked out now, and I sent a huge packet of pictures and clippings and press stuff in for a lyric zine to be included in the package. I think it's going to be great, and I'm really looking forward to it.
Of course, this means that we are "reuniting" for some record release shows. We'll be traveling up to Boston on easter weekend, and we'll play here in Pittsburgh the weekend after. We're going to try to do some shows in NYC and Erie and Philly too.
It's all coming together, and there is even a very very very slim chance that I can convince my favorite ever Pittsburgh band to reunite for the show too. Back in the day we had a pact that if one of our bands reunited the other would too. I'm not holding my breath, but I'm not ruling it out either. I sent them all an email last night employing the slightest of feminine whiles. Heh.
Hopefully we will be getting together this weekend for a practice. I am nervous as hell about this, and this is where I have to face the fact that nostalgia is a dangerous game. My history with these people is so convoluted. I have become a COMPLETELY different person in the past 10 or so years....a person I like a whole lot better. I have had new, better, separate relationships with all the involved parties over the years...relationships which are a good deal healthier and less fraught with anxiety and bitterness. The whole raison d'etre of Dead at 24 was this complicated stew of desire, jealousy, rage, denial, blindness, codependency....it makes me a little dizzy just thinking about it. Reading Slash's autobiography isn't really helping, either. It just brings into sharper focus the fact that I am intentionally putting myself into a situation where I have to revisit a whole lot of stuff that I have only recently really gotten over. It may very well make for some great music (it probably will) but it will also probably bring up a whole unhealthy set of behaviors and patterns of interaction that I would just as soon leave in the past. Already, in email exchanges between the members of the band, the old patterns are surfacing and having the same old effect on me. Argh.
So, I'm hoping that I can do part of what I used to do (bang it all out with unfettered abandon) and avoid other parts (smoking 2 packs a day and drinking half a bottle of gin a night and snorting pharmaceutical cocktails) in my effort to cope. I don't think there is much chance that we can just avoid it all and act like the adults we've become. That's probably asking too much.
So, wish me luck. I'm equal parts apprehensive and excited. Hopeful that I can just lay it on the line and let them know what I will and will not put up with. I am definitely a lot more self confident than I was back then, and less likely to take bullshit. SO there's that.
posted by sheryl at 8:49 AM
1 Comments:
I was wondering where you were at with the Dead at 24 stuff as I still have it on my list of projects, but I guess you don't need anything from me at this point? Sorry...I wanted to help, but that box is hidden somewhere in our storage and I guess I thought I had more time. Good luck with rehearsals and shows. Wish I could see you all again.
In other news, we had a scotch egg in honor of you during our first meal in Milwaukee. It was yummy.
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