Good evening.
I find myself right now trapped in the solipsism of temporary agony. By which I mean, my back hurts. I stole that gorgeous phrase from Russell Brand's interview on NPR. He put on a nice show of vocabulary for the intellectuals, and was hardly cheeky at all (but of course he couldn't help it a bit)
I have spent most of the past couple of days, when not breaking my back in the kitchen, either reading Russell's book or watching/listening to interviews from his sort of awe inspiring American press junket. He did seemingly hundreds. New ones are popping up every day. And while I'm glad to have 'em, it makes me feel a little sorry for him. Especially the last couple where he just looks so tired. I'm glad it's not my job to be witty and charming for hours on end every day.
What is my job, on the other hand, is making food for people for hours on end every day. We've been going through some more staff turmoil and it makes for long days and extra doses of advil liquigels. And my new nighttime friend, Advil PM. Gosh golly gee, that stuff is a miracle worker. Rebby is currently in Ohio to hang out with her cousin who is back from the war temporarily, and I have to say I am kind of glad she's not around because it gives me the freedom to do very little when I get home other than sit in my chair and play bubblespinner or watch youtube videos till it's time to go to bed. I know I SHOULD wash some dishes and I SHOULD do some laundry and kee-rist, I SHOULD take down the christmas decorations(don't be shocked!) but I'm really feeling exhausted right now and after dumping all my energy into work I really can't get it up for taking care of the house. I'm looking at this as a sort of crisis management scenario, a solipsism of temporary agony if you will ;), and I know that very soon it will all be better. We've already got two new trainees going and might soon have a third. I'm feeling positive about the light at the end of the tunnel but right now, at this very painful minute, the light seems pretty far away.
Spring like weather is helping. I am getting excited about planting stuff! I just placed some orders for the laptop butchershop pickup next weekend...it's a sort of pre-order farmer's market where we will be able to pick up some organic grass fed ground beef and lamb, as well as eggs and delicious bacon. Yum yum yum. I think my energy will really improve after seeing my favorite pig farmers again. That means winter is over for reals.
So, depsite all this hobbling around like an old woman, I did manage to prep up some pizza dough on Saturday. I did another caramelized onion, apple and fennel with goat cheese and ate almost all of it up for dinner! Sunday after brunch I went to Whole Foods and dropped a nice chunk of change on vegetables, sausages and dairy products.
Oh, and sweet, delicious coffee. Anyway, I got home and popped a ball of dough out of the freezer, thawed it, and threw down one of the best pizzas yet: caramelized onion, garlic, arugula, grape tomatoes, merguez sausage, and goat feta. I timed it just right so that it was hot and fresh out of the oven to eat while watching Alice Waters on 60 Minutes. She's great, but I think she would drive me crazy in about twenty minutes. She sounds like she lives on a cloud somewhere far, far away. I love her ideas, and I don't disrespect her idealism, but her actual voice is pretty loopy. Anyhoo, part of the story involved interviewing hottie mcmayor Gavin Newsom about the victory garden he let Alice plant in front of city hall. He loves the gays AND the foodies?!?!? He is totally my mayor boyfriend now. I hope he can become governor, though I am pretty doubtful. Bless'im.
So, almost by accident I realized that yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my divorce decree. Now, my marriage had been over for almost a year previous to that, but it seems like some kind of significant milestone to have been un-married for 10 years. It's longer than I was married, for a start. It makes me a little sad that I have a hard time conjuring up memories of being married. Unfortunately, with the exception of my travel journal I kept while we moved across the country, the only time I ever really wrote in a journal was when I was pissed off about something, so the only memories I can access on paper are difficult ones. I know there were a lot of good times, but when I think back it's really hard for me to isolate us as a couple from all the other people who were constantly swirling around. Which ended up being a big factor in the dissolution, I think. Amazing to think about how different I am from how I was then. The future was so abstract and I really didn't think much about it. I certainly would not have predicted I'd be where I am now... I think I've grown into a better person. I've had some very trying times in the past ten years, but also some very good ones. And I'm happier on a cellular level than I ever thought I could be.
Everything works if you let it, as a wise person once said.
I find myself right now trapped in the solipsism of temporary agony. By which I mean, my back hurts. I stole that gorgeous phrase from Russell Brand's interview on NPR. He put on a nice show of vocabulary for the intellectuals, and was hardly cheeky at all (but of course he couldn't help it a bit)
I have spent most of the past couple of days, when not breaking my back in the kitchen, either reading Russell's book or watching/listening to interviews from his sort of awe inspiring American press junket. He did seemingly hundreds. New ones are popping up every day. And while I'm glad to have 'em, it makes me feel a little sorry for him. Especially the last couple where he just looks so tired. I'm glad it's not my job to be witty and charming for hours on end every day.
What is my job, on the other hand, is making food for people for hours on end every day. We've been going through some more staff turmoil and it makes for long days and extra doses of advil liquigels. And my new nighttime friend, Advil PM. Gosh golly gee, that stuff is a miracle worker. Rebby is currently in Ohio to hang out with her cousin who is back from the war temporarily, and I have to say I am kind of glad she's not around because it gives me the freedom to do very little when I get home other than sit in my chair and play bubblespinner or watch youtube videos till it's time to go to bed. I know I SHOULD wash some dishes and I SHOULD do some laundry and kee-rist, I SHOULD take down the christmas decorations(don't be shocked!) but I'm really feeling exhausted right now and after dumping all my energy into work I really can't get it up for taking care of the house. I'm looking at this as a sort of crisis management scenario, a solipsism of temporary agony if you will ;), and I know that very soon it will all be better. We've already got two new trainees going and might soon have a third. I'm feeling positive about the light at the end of the tunnel but right now, at this very painful minute, the light seems pretty far away.
Spring like weather is helping. I am getting excited about planting stuff! I just placed some orders for the laptop butchershop pickup next weekend...it's a sort of pre-order farmer's market where we will be able to pick up some organic grass fed ground beef and lamb, as well as eggs and delicious bacon. Yum yum yum. I think my energy will really improve after seeing my favorite pig farmers again. That means winter is over for reals.
So, depsite all this hobbling around like an old woman, I did manage to prep up some pizza dough on Saturday. I did another caramelized onion, apple and fennel with goat cheese and ate almost all of it up for dinner! Sunday after brunch I went to Whole Foods and dropped a nice chunk of change on vegetables, sausages and dairy products.
Oh, and sweet, delicious coffee. Anyway, I got home and popped a ball of dough out of the freezer, thawed it, and threw down one of the best pizzas yet: caramelized onion, garlic, arugula, grape tomatoes, merguez sausage, and goat feta. I timed it just right so that it was hot and fresh out of the oven to eat while watching Alice Waters on 60 Minutes. She's great, but I think she would drive me crazy in about twenty minutes. She sounds like she lives on a cloud somewhere far, far away. I love her ideas, and I don't disrespect her idealism, but her actual voice is pretty loopy. Anyhoo, part of the story involved interviewing hottie mcmayor Gavin Newsom about the victory garden he let Alice plant in front of city hall. He loves the gays AND the foodies?!?!? He is totally my mayor boyfriend now. I hope he can become governor, though I am pretty doubtful. Bless'im.
So, almost by accident I realized that yesterday was the 10th anniversary of my divorce decree. Now, my marriage had been over for almost a year previous to that, but it seems like some kind of significant milestone to have been un-married for 10 years. It's longer than I was married, for a start. It makes me a little sad that I have a hard time conjuring up memories of being married. Unfortunately, with the exception of my travel journal I kept while we moved across the country, the only time I ever really wrote in a journal was when I was pissed off about something, so the only memories I can access on paper are difficult ones. I know there were a lot of good times, but when I think back it's really hard for me to isolate us as a couple from all the other people who were constantly swirling around. Which ended up being a big factor in the dissolution, I think. Amazing to think about how different I am from how I was then. The future was so abstract and I really didn't think much about it. I certainly would not have predicted I'd be where I am now... I think I've grown into a better person. I've had some very trying times in the past ten years, but also some very good ones. And I'm happier on a cellular level than I ever thought I could be.
Everything works if you let it, as a wise person once said.
posted by sheryl at 10:17 PM
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