Sunday, July 19, 2009

Law and Order, Toddler Division

Last night rebby and I went to Dormont for steaks after I worked all day at the Pittsburgh Small Press Festival. It turned out that dad was having a giant steak party, with not only my bro and sisters and the nephews, but also bro-in-law (who happened to be having a birthday) and his parents, sister and her kid, and their grandmother. Whew! Oh and plus Kirby the dog. It was quite a party, and the combined racket of a 2.5, 3 and 6 year old is deafening. The moms managed to get the boys to eat a few bites of dinner before running off into the house in search of mischeif.
The adults were able to eat most of our dinner in peace with only the occasional shriek until Brady (the 2.5 year old) came out on the porch with a cheeseball in his mouth. How did he get a cheesball, when the cheesballs were located on the mantel?
Bro-in-law Ron went inside to investigate. After surveying the scene he determined that someone must have climed up onto the arm of the overstuffed leather chair, stood on tippytoes, knocked over the stuffed willie nelson, reached past the pretzel rods, and grabbed the giant jar of cheeseballs. The boys were not talking. No one fessed up to the crime, and they were all enjoying the spoils. Hardened criminals, all looking out for each other's back.
UNTIL......about twenty minutes later tyler(the three year old) come out of the house shrieking that Brady (the 2.5 year old) took his popsicle right out of his hand. Tyler's mom got him calmed down just as it was starting to rain and the adults decided to go inside. As we are moving inside, Brady's mom asks Brady if he did indeed steal Tyler's popsicle. Brady shook his head no. Brady's mom then asked him where the popsicle was, and he pointed to the chair. So the adults start lifting the cusions on the chair, looking for melted popsicle. No evidence. Then, Kyle (my bro) finds a popsicle stick on the floor, next to the chair. Was this Tyler's popsicle? Did Tyler actually eat the popsicle, and then try to get another one by libeling Brady? Did Brady actually steal the popsicle and eat it? Again Brady was questioned, and again he claimed his innocence and pointed to the chair. At this point both the accuser and the accused ran out of the room, so we turned to the witness--Tristan, 6.
Tristan immediately claims "I didn't see it!" and tries to run out of the room as well. He is detained by Aunt Stacy, who asks again what happened. Breaking under the pressure, Tristan exclaims "Tyler tripped and fell and the popsicle went under the chair!!!!" and runs out of the room. So the adults once again set about locating the missing popsicle. Kyle looks and doesn't see it. Stacy looks and doesn't see it. The chair is moved slightly, but there isn't much room to pull it out from the wall. So the flashlight is called in, and I go to retrieve it from its secret location (the flashlights have to be hidden or else they are turned into light sabers. This is how we roll at the Johnston house) Stacy shines the flashlight under the chair and there, all the way at the back, is the missing purple popsicle, half melted and completely covered in dog hair.
Mystery solved, all parties are acquitted, everyone gets a new popsicle, and the night goes on.
And in just a few short months, two new babies are going to be added to the equation. Wow.


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